Before I share a little about myself, I want to make clear that "this public living" makes me cringe a little. I don't really like Facebook; I don't like my life shared with many people. I talk a great deal, but I'm actually super private.
As mentioned in the blog on "Acknowledgements and..." my insight into the reality of praying Scripture hit home as a result of the teachings of Mike and Andrew. Because living in relationship with the Word of God as alive in me had always been a pursuit of mine, when it crystalized, I wanted to write a book to bring others into the same revelation. I however recognized it could take some time. Instead of doing so privately and only blessing people when this project is finally done, I may as well open it up to the www community as the project progresses. And hopefully readers will be blessed.
I would like to give credibility to this blog by sharing a little about my background as it relates to the content of this blog.
So I'm going to share a little without divulging specifics.
From a very young age I was intrigued by God, I wanted to know Him like David, Moses, and Paul. These guys HEARD God. What a privilege. I wanted to hear Him. There was a deep desire for God's presence and to hear His voice. In my way I pursued God. At university I joined a wonderful Bible School, which I attended on Tuesday nights for two years. It was blessed, blessed. But somehow the presence of God - and the powerful love I imagined would accompany His presence - never visited. Also, I didn't recognize hearing God's voice. I prayed for direction for a number of things, amongst others what to study - and what to do when I failed! Nothing, nothing, nothing!!!!!! Also, why didn't He answer me when I was desperate for answers in a number of areas in my life? And where was He when bad things happened to me? With time my heart grew bitter towards this silent God Who surely hides. I fell into sin and my heart grew callous towards this God Who only fills me with hunger for Him, but no satisfaction. I would find my satisfaction elsewhere and stop wasting my time on Him.
Three significant incidents however stand out before my rejection of God. In my first year at university I found we went back to the roots of all the subjects I studied. I began asking myself why I am a Christian. And what makes me think we are right and others are either wrong, or perhaps also hold part of the truth. Oh, it was a long and hard struggle of about 9 months. I wanted to believe but I simply could not. I was 18 at the time and did not know how to hear God's voice. With time there were Bible verses that started making sense to me and gave me peace. At the end of it I "returned to Christ." I was probably in my fourth year when I discovered a small book, I think it was by Josh McDowell. In this little book the author addresses the question of "what about believers of other faiths?" If he gave 12 responses from the Word for that, God had given me 9 in my first year. Only that day did I recognize that God had in fact spoken to me and I had heard His voice. A second experience came when I was once again groping with the idea of hearing God's voice. Someone asked me to read John 10: 27. And then he asked very matter-of-factly if I hear God's voice. I wanted to say "No!" because it felt like that, but I believed in Christ so I was one of His sheep. And if He says I hear His voice and follow Him, then it means I do. But it did not feel like it. What a few intense moments those were for me. So I don't know it, but I do hear Him? How whack is that, it doesn't help me at all. But the Word said it, so somehow it was true. And maybe one day I would understand how it could be true. If I was introduced to that concept that day, I have moved greatly beyond that 0 start on a graph. I praise God. A third revelation deeply answered this cry for hearing God's voice. I stumbled upon 1 Cor 2: 14 at a time I wanted to change my studies to pursue Theology - for then I would know! This verse did that same thing - it became rhema for me in that moment. Out of nowhere I understood in a way that brought peace, that there are things I can only know through my spirit. Where is my spirit, how does it work, go! more questions. But in some "unarticulable" way I knew, I can know without grasping this knowledge with my carnal mind. So God has been speaking to me all along, I just did not always recognize it and I was not aware of how to consciously pursue hearing His voice.
Back to my rejection of God. Man... life lost its meaning. Oh, I did great things, I saw New York, drove from Las Vegas to Hollywood, bought cool things, met interesting people. Note, I'm Namibian, so to do these things are pretty high up on the list of "living it up". But oh... when you look at life and see the existence of mankind and imagine eternity, then it is all as Solomon said: futile chasing of the wind. Then I met Mike Bickle.
Mike's teaching on Song of Songs showed me that the Word is fuuuuullll of God's love for me. It broke into my hardened heart. From then on I understood that even if I NEVER felt the love of God flooding my emotions, by faith I can KNOW that God loves me because His Word makes it 100% clear. In the same way I began understanding, as I mentioned in the blog on God's presence that the Bible IS God speaking to us clearly. If I understand the language and words in the Bible, I have clearly heard God's voice. It need not happen as it did for the friend of God, Moses, whom He spoke to face to face, nor as to Paul on the Damascus Road or the disciples.
I had come home. The Word says God is always present. The Word says God loves me. See 1 Cor 2:14. When this was settled, the Word could come alive to me again and my spirit could be alive again. This blog is testimony to an alive and maturing spirit.
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